Oh yeah, we’re talking about a fat mans favorite topic, FOOD. Fuck that we’re talking about the greatest invention of all time, bacon. First things first, if you don’t like bacon let me know and i’ll buy you a one way ticket to Stupid Town. There are so many types of Bacon, it’s like fruit, but healthier. Alright, that might be a lie but in the time of Dad bods and Thicc it sounded good.
Now you’re probably thinking, “Yeah Will we know bacon is good.”, but let’s be real here. Bacon is such an underrated pillar of this country, kinda like respecting others. STOP. Sorrey eh I forgot to mention Canadian bacon. No I fucking did not, our drunk little brother up north has it all wrong. We know bacon comes from pigs and is possibly made of pure gold. The salty crunch of a nice piece of bacon is music to my ears. We do have people that try to change bacon, to make it stupid things like healthy and not harmful to pigs. Now if i really wanted to be healthy i’d have a salad….covered in bacon bits.
Im honestly bacon myself go crazy and im drooling all over myself. You can throw bacon on anything. You’ve got bacon and peanut butter sandwiches, bacon wrapped steak, little bacon pancakes and i tell you what you can never go wrong with throwing some bacon, on a pile of bacon. Thick cut, cube cut, bits, thin cut hell give me 20 pounds straight off the pig and i’ll eat it like turkey leg at Medieval Times.
Fun fact: not everyone believes magic is real and I have a way to prove that it is. Throw a plate of bacon in front of an offensive lineman and it’ll disappear faster than Hillary Clinton’s emails. HEYOOO. Bacon, you are the backbone of this country and you don’t get enough credit. Hell you can wrap a dog turn in bacon and someone will gobble it down like it’s one of those little sausage weenies. As a country we need to quit all the fighting, arguing and sexual harassment and just simply: EAT MORE BACON.