Well world, it’s 2018. Unfortunately the first craze of the new year is idiots eating Tide Pods. No, that’s not a typo. For some dumb reason there are people going viral for biting into Tide Pods, or detergent pods like it. Just when you think we’ve hit the peak of our stupidity as a people, someone says “Hold my beer and watch this.”
I’ve watched dozens of videos of these idiots biting into Tide pods. Some people were in the store saying “What flavor should I get”. What? What flavor?! Last time I checked my laundry detergent came in different scents, not flavors. Now trust me, as a fat man I know that the pretty colors and smooshy textures do peak your curiosity. BUT YOU DON’T EAT TIDE PODS. Its not like it’s Gushers for giants. Its meant to clean the skid marks out of your whitey tighties not cleanse your palate like you’re at the fucking Catalina Wine Mixer.
Another thing that crossed my mind, maybe it’s some weird vegan thing or some crazy hollywood cleanse. Just kidding, i’m not a fucking idiot. When you were a kid I can almost guarantee you heard the threat, “Do you want me to wash your mouth out with soap?”. They pick soap because its nasty and it’s fucking terrible. They’re not gonna say, “Here i’m gonna wash your mouth out with this bowl of ice cream.” GET REAL people. I did about 3 seconds of research and realized that Tide Pods is actually an acronym. Tide Pods actually stands for: DON’T EAT TIDE PODS YOU DUMBASS.